Rockin' Adoption

Heart to Heart FAQ

I get asked pretty much the same questions regarding adoption.  And I hear the same comments as well.  And although I’ve addressed many, many of these questions, I’d like to share some with you guys, who might be wondering the same things.

Why Ethiopia/Africa?

I was reading this blog called A place called Simplicity and she addressed this question perfectly.

“Because that’s where our son and daughter are!!”  And this is so true.  If you’re not adopting, I understand that its hard to wrap your head around the whole emotional process.  But the best way I can describe it, is by being pregnant with a baby you have been praying and praying for.  This baby is growing inside you and you want him/her sooo bad and already love them with all of your heart.  You’ve never really met this child.  You don’t know what he/she will look like.  You don’t know if they’ll grow up to be a doctor or lawyer, or Pastor or in prison!  You don’t care!   You  just love this faceless child.  Well.  that’s how I,  and probably most adopters feel about their adoptive children.  I’ve never met my child.  I don’t even know if he/she is born yet.  But I do already love them as if they were my birth child.

What if they have behavioral, or mental issues?

I can’t lie and say that it’s not a concern.  And I definitely pray for a healthy “normal” child.  But guess what.   I have the same prayer for my birth children.   When I went to the hospital to have them, I didn’t sign any papers with the doctors, nor did I see any waivers with the prenatal vitamins I took guaranteeing that Ben or Laney would grow up happy, healthy, and outstanding citizens.  The ONLY guarantee in life is GOD!  I know you feel like its different, because this child is grown up in poverty and less that ideal living situation.  But things happen here too.  Drugs, rape, violence, bullies, all sorts of things that can shape ones character negatively.  I feel that the only thing I can do is love on each and every one of my children, teach them about God, encourage them to live life by His word, and be good people, and lead by example.  So if my adopted child has any of these issues, I would do the same for them as I would Ben or Laney.  Take it one day at a time, and pray, and pray hard!  And absolutely love them no less.

Isn’t it wrong or traumatic to take them from their culture.

This is a weird argument for me.  Because these children, live in orphanages.  I’m not flying to Ethiopia and plucking a child from their mother and taking them away from a loving home.   Orphanages aren’t luxury boarding schools.  The nannies and care givers do their very best to love on these kids as much as possible but they are stretched thin with very little resources.  Its hard for me not to wonder how someone thinks that an orphanage is ones culture.  The mere definition of  Culture is this- The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions..”   If a child lived in an abusive home, with an abusive family wouldn’t that make “abuse” their culture?  Or if you grew up with alcoholic parents, whose parents were also alcoholics.. wouldn’t alcoholism definitely be your culture? I think sometimes people think of these kids living in a happy tribe, dancing around half naked, and us greedy Americans thinking its not good enough lets bring them into “society”.   But in truth.  I hope that you can take the time to google African orphanages, and do a little research on the “culture”.  True, however, that there is a bit of a culture shock,  and transitions aren’t always easy.  But neither is dropping your child off at school for the first time.  Both terrifying, but both something that needs to be done.

How are you going to afford all of this?

Quit going to Starbucks?!  No seriously.. I am trying.   My husband and I don’t have much money financially.   We’re typically living paycheck to paycheck.  But the Lord loves him some orphans I tell you!   I seriously, have not “struggled” once during this time to get money together for the funds needed for the adoption.   I’m not saying there wont be struggles, and tests of faith.  We will soon have to pay well over $7000.00 for our next payment.  I’m not sure how exactly I’m going to get that kind of money.  Because I can assure you its not sitting in my bank account right now.  But I can rest assured that this is something the Lord wants me to do, and he has already proven to me that he will provide what I need to make this happen.  So I am prayerfully trying not to lose faith.  And I am constantly amazed at how amazing, awesome, and astounding He is.

Does/will your family and friends accept this child?

I can’t answer for the hearts of my family.  I can say that we have been met with some pretty hurtful resistance.  But we’re not letting that keep us.  Our God is an awesome God.  He called us to do this and broke our hearts for the orphans.  He’s certainly capable of doing the same for them.   The Lord didn’t ask us to obey our friends and family and do what we can to make them happy.  He’s told us to be good people, and to love them no matter what.  But our purpose is to obey Him, and do what makes Him happy.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

That bible verse speaks volumes to me.  “refusing to let the world corrupt you”.  Amen!

We have been blessed with other family and friends who have supported us abundantly through all of this.   I cannot thank them enough.

Are you afraid you may not love them as much as your own children?

First of all, he/she is my own child.  Secondly, I think this very thought crosses any mothers mind.  When I was pregnant with my first child, I wondered if I would ever love him as much as my dogs.  I know!  But really, really love my dogs.  Guess what?  I still love my dogs, but I do have to say I love the kids more!  Um..  bad example huh?  Okay, so when I was pregnant with Laney, I had no idea how I could love another child as much as Ben.  And as it turns out.  I don’t.  I love them equally, and differently.  And I feel silly for ever thinking that my heart would only close off after my amazing Ben.  But silly, spitfire Laney made sure that, that wasn’t going to happen. I’ve talked about this question on here before, but there’s no harm in repeating what I’ve said before.   The Lord has asked me, and taught me, and made my heart capable of endless love.  Unconditional love.  It’s a powerful weapon against the enemy who loathes adoption.  A weapon I plan on slingin’ the entire time!

I leave you with a great song from Casting Crowns.  Very motivational!

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Holla!

I know its been FOR-EV-ER since I’ve posted on here.  I think about it all the time.  Heck, I even have a bazillion “drafts” that never saw the light of day.

I wanted to post an update on how the garage sale went.   It was awesome!  We sold more on the first day (Friday), and sold TONS of clothes which normally isn’t a big seller.  But apparently having your husband bring home a giant 80lbs slab of wood and hoisting it up on two plastic saw horses, and piling the clothes, all sizes, genders, and styles all in one giant pile, makes said clothes more appealing.   Its like digging for gold.

My sister donated huge ticket items, and my friend Joelle donated a TON of baby items.  Nice ones.. and Nicole donated clothes and a bunch of great miscellaneous stuff.  (BTW Nicole, if you read this blog at all, or come over and happen to see a mini old school metal bicycle that you donated sitting on top of my kitchen cabinets.. I did try to sell it by putting it in a laundry basket off to the side covered in trash bags.  But it just didn’t sell so it managed to find its way into my house.

Jacquetta donated a ton of her sons toys and lets not forget, her time.   I felt so bad because we agreed to start setting up at 5am the first day, and I forgot to set my alarm clock, and was awoken to my husband saying, “I think Jacquetta’s outside”.  And there she was.  Sorting what she could in the dark.    She stayed outside with me all day.  In the heat.  The high was like 102 I think.    THEN Saturday rolls around and I’m all sorts of sick, its 105 outside and there she is.  My warrior.  Selling things like crazy while I excuse myself every 5 minutes.  I’m not sure how I lucked out with a friend like her.  But I did!  Thank you Jacquetta for ALL of your hard work and generosity.

And thank you ladies for your donations, without them, there is NO WAY I could have made $830+ !!!!!!!!!!!!  SOO excited about that number.  We still have a ton of stuff left over- big ticket items such as furniture and a vehicle.

I realize I started this process with so much optimism.  I just knew the money would get here.  And I just knew this was the right thing.  Well, I can’t lie.  I’ve had my doubts.  For a while I even doubted if overseas was where we were being called.  Then I wondering if Uganda was where we were needed.  And then I questioned if we would ever get the $7700 that’s due with the next step.

I do know now, that local adoption isn’t in our cards right now.  It just never felt like.. “this is it”.  Uganda.. still feels right, but I’m praying that will be adoption #2.  I can’t believe I ever questioned on if that would even be a possibility.  Because for a while, adoption #1 was out of the question with Paul.  And the Lord softened his heart.  He moved a mountain, and here we are.  My wonderfully amazing husband is the one keeping me on top of things.  So I now know that if God wants us to have more than 3 children, He’s gonna make it happen!    I felt immense guilt “giving up” on our child in Ethiopia.  Well, that’s what it felt like anyway.  And after days and hours of prayer.  I know this is where HE wants us right now.  THIS is where we’re needed.  And I will NOT give up on our little one ever again.   The wait time is daunting, the money is daunting.  But EVERY SINGLE TIME I’ve needed to make some sort of payment, the Lord has provided.  I need to stop doubting and start realizing and remembering that HE backs up his investments 110%!

And now I leave y’all with a picture of a Gorilla and a $800 sign.  I realize that it has a “B” in it as well, but I’d like to think of him as saying, ” Yo!  $800 dollas B.  Fo Realz”